2012: Section 10

Posted on October 2, 2012 by

 

Section 10 – 2012 MotY

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 10 (“Choosing Love and Trust”).

The essence of this chapter is about giving without expecting anything in return. For many of us, and I’m first in line here, this is a very tall order. We hear it over and over again about how it’s better to give than receive…so why is it so difficult?

Dr. Jeffers explains…

People who fear can’t genuinely give. They are imbued with a deep-seated sense of scarcity in the world, as if there wasn’t enough to go around. Not enough love, not enough money, not enough praise, not enough attention — simply not enough.  Usually fear in one area of our lives generalizes, and we become closed down and protective in many areas of our lives.

The ability to genuinely give is a lifelong process of growing up to become full-blown adults. As we learn to give, our ability to love and trust increases exponentially.

She offers six areas where we can learn to give:

  1. give away thanks
  2. give away information
  3. give away praise
  4. give away time
  5. give away money
  6. give away love

This is another one of those chapters that I highly recommend you read from beginning to end. She goes in depth with each one.

I’ll share a piece under the “give away thanks” section: look at everyone in our lives, past and present, and note all that they contributed to us in their own special way…and thank them. To those who gifted us with pain, we need to thank them as well…find their gift from the negative.

If we want to bring more love into our lives, we need to rid ourselves of pain and anger.

One way to work through pain and anger is through creative activities, such as coloring. Use the ‘blobs’ in the upper portion of this section as placeholders for the people in our lives that have caused us pain and while coloring, do so with the intention of releasing the pain and thanking them.

I’ll close with a slightly modified affirmation from this chapter:

My life is abundant, and I count!

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady
www.facebook.com/TheMandalaLady

Be sure to download/color the October 2012 Mandala of the Month.

 

 

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2012: Section 9

Posted on September 1, 2012 by
2012 MotY: Section 9

2012 MotY: Section 9

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 9 (“Just Nod Your Head — Say ‘YES!’ ”).

This month’s mantra “Say YES!”, while easy in concept, may be a bit of a challenge in reality. I hope to offer some insights to help make it easier.

Abraham (Esther Hicks) talks about two states of being: allowing/resisting, which ties in nicely with what Dr. Jeffers talks about in this month’s chapter. At any given time, we are either “allowing” or “resisting”. The trick is to be continuously aware of which state we are in, then making adjustments as needed.

“Saying YES” / “Allowing” means accepting/surrendering to what “is” in this moment…it is what it is. From this place of being we can take action one way or another that will move us forward. Conversely, “Saying NO” / “Resisting” means rather than being present with what’s actually going on in our lives, we’d rather go into victim mode and proclaim “woe is me”, “I can’t”, making excuses, basically telling everyone to come down to my pity party. It’s the difference between moving forward (allowing) and staying stuck (resisting).

So instead of focusing on the problem, who’s to blame, and all that (except to learn from it), turn it around. If stuck in traffic, for example, we can “resist” it by being pissed off, annoyed, aggravated, worried, stressed, etc.  or we can surrender to the fact that we are stuck in traffic…now, how can I make the best of it. At the very least, take a deep breath and just be for a moment. Dr. Jeffers suggests keeping self-help audio recordings or books-on-cds handy in our cars.

On a grander scale, the “Say YES” mantra applies to our life situation. We can bitch and moan about it or we can say YES and take action.

Saying yes means getting up and acting on your belief that you can create meaning and purpose in whatever life hands you.  Susan Jeffers, PhD

She presents examples of people who have overcome incredible odds, creating amazing lives for themselves…including Victor Frankl who wrote “Man’s Search for Meaning”, his book about how he and others like him faced life in a concentration camp by creating a positive experience out it.

This topic makes me think of John Walsh who tragically lost his son, Adam, in 1981 due to a mall abduction/murder. From that, he created “America’s Most Wanted” and to-date assisted in capturing almost 2,000 fugitives and returned over 50 missing children to their families.

At its simplest, “Say YES!” means making lemonade when life hands us lemons. Or as I saw on zazzle.com “make grape juice, then let the world wonder how you did it!“

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady
www.facebook.com/TheMandalaLady

Be sure to download/color the September 2012 Mandala of the Month.

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2012: Section 8

Posted on August 1, 2012 by

2012 MotY: Section 8

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 8 (“How whole is you ‘whole life’ ”).

Dr. Jeffers encourages us to diversifying our lives. Instead of putting all our energy into one box, divide it up into multiple boxes. If our whole life, our identity revolves around just one “box” (job, kids, or relationship, etc.) what happens to us when that one box goes away? Ever hear about people who die soon after then retire or the mother who goes into deep depression when her kids grow up and move out?

When we have all our focus in one box, the fear of it going away can be overwhelming and debilitating, leading to very “needy” behavior. When we have a more whole life and one of the boxes goes away, while it may be devastating at first, we find we have other areas in our lives that can help carry us through and move us forward.

She offers some box suggestions: work, family, relationship, hobbies, leisure, personal growth, alone time, friends, contribution (where you make a difference in the world). How much time and energy are we putting into one area at the expense of completing ignoring the others?

As we go into each “box” of our life, she recommends two caveats:

  1. be there 100%
  2. act as if it matters

So when we’re on vacation, let’s be on vacation 100% and know that our health and well-being matters. When we’re with our families, be with them 100% and know that they matter and that you matter to them. When we’re at work, give 100% and know that the work we do really counts for something.

She suggests an exercise of making a 3×3 “Whole Life Grid” and naming each of the boxes with the different components we want included in our lives. Then explore how we can visualize and then activate those areas of lives, with the intention of creating a more whole life. She goes into more details and provides other suggestions in the chapter if you care to explore it further.

So let this be our motivating question for the month: “How whole is my life?”

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady
www.facebook.com/TheMandalaLady

Be sure to download/color the August 2012 Mandala of the Month.

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2012: Section 7

Posted on June 30, 2012 by

2012 MotY: Section 7

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 7 (“How to Make a No-Lose Decision”).

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” Amelia Earhart

Prior to reading Chapter 7, I thought I feared taking action. Now I see I really fear making a decision. When I look at my options, a laundry list of “what if’s” pop up all over the place. What if I don’t like it? What if I make a mistake? What if I change my mind? What if it upsets people? What if I look stupid/weird/foolish/etc.? In the end, I just find myself ignoring all my options without taking any action.

Dr. Jeffers offers a different approach to making decisions. Rather than racking our brains trying to figure out which option is right or wrong, we need to look at all of your options as offering goodies…”opportunities to experience life in a new way, to learn and grow, to find out who you are and who you would really like to be.” Put simply, each option provides a different experience.

She brings us back to Chapter 1′s Type 3 Fear: the lack of trust in ourselves to handle whatever comes our way, which is at the core of our fear of making decisions. Just know that despite the outcome of our decision, we can handle whatever happens.

“The knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way is the key to allowing yourself to take risks.” Susan Jeffers

In response to those of us who fear looking like a failure because something failed to work out as planned, Dr. Jeffers tells us to remember:

You’re not a failure if you don’t make it;
You’re a success because you try.”

Towards the end of the chapter she goes in depth about what to do prior to making a decision and what to after making a decision. I highly recommend reading this if you can.

Our mantra for this month: “So what!  I’ll handle it!“

Our assignment for this month: Make the decision to color Section 7 of the 2012 Mandala of the Year. See…that was easy! :-)

UPDATED 7/2/12: Found this timely blog post today that ties in nicely with this section’s theme: “How To Make Decisions” by Chris Guillebeau

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady
www.facebook.com/TheMandalaLady

Be sure to download/color the July 2012 Mandala of the Month.

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2012: Section 6

Posted on June 3, 2012 by

2012:Section 6

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 6 (“When ‘They’ Don’t Want you to Grow”).

As we grow out of our need to stay in the pain and instead choose to grow into our own personal strength and power, we may encounter resistance from those around us. Rather than stay in “The Moan and Grown Society”, as Dr. Jeffers calls it, we opt to be around more positive, supportive people.

A key factor in our continued growth requires a supportive, inspirational group of friends around us. The challenge occurs when those closest to us are the ones resisting us the most.

Dr. Jeffers offers this insight:

“…AWARENESS is the key.  Know that in all likelihood, as you start to take risks and grow, you are going to get resistance from people in your life. It’s a given. If it isn’t your mate, it will be your parents or your children or your friends. When you rock the boat, someone will tell you to sit down. You need not feel shocked, surprised, or self-righteous. It is their way of defending their security. Often they don’t even know they are doing it. In their minds, these admonitions and observations seem totally justified and ‘for your own good.’ What is important is that you know what is happening.

Also know that as we go through this process, we may tend to over compensate for our previous passivity and go all the way to aggression when what we really mean to be is assertive especially when we feel the need to defend our new-found strength and power. Part of our defensiveness comes from thinking we need the approval of others in order to feel good about ourselves.

She offers some wonderful examples of win-win dialogue in handling resistance and defensiveness without aggression and suggests reading books on how to dialogue assertively.

Through all of this, it’s important to be our own best friend without putting ourselves down, which leads me to my own personal favorite mantra and fits quite nicely here regardless of where we are on our path of personal growth:

I love and accept myself just as I am.

Ponder this as you color Section 6 of the 2012 Mandala of the Year.

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady
www.facebook.com/TheMandalaLady

Be sure to download/color the June 2012 Mandala of the Month.

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2012: Section 5

Posted on May 2, 2012 by

2012 Moty: Section 5

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 5 (‘Pollyanna rides again’).

In this chapter, Dr. Jeffers talks about positive thinking…that we create our own reality with our thoughts and attitudes. In her workshops, she energy/muscle tested participants when they stated “I am a weak and unworthy person” and again when they stated “I am a strong and worthy person.” In every instance, people tested strong when they stated the positive statement and weak when they stated the negative statement. Even when she left the room and had the audience determine which statement the person would think, she would come in to test the person and still receive the same results.

We’ve all heard or even said that thinking positive is not being realistic. And yet, as she points out, if we were to think back on all the things we fretted and worried about, how many of them truly turned out negatively? If we answered honestly, we’d find that most things turned out positively…or what seemed like a negative outcome turned into a positive.

For example, in 1992 I ran for County Commissioner in Florida and campaigned for over 9 months. I lost the election…HOWEVER…I wound up being hired to work for the County, which paid $15,000 more a year than the CC job AND I avoided having to deal with all the politics of being a commissioner. So in the end, what looked negative turned into a great positive.

We often take issue with positive thinking because it looks like we are in denial of reality. To quote Dr. Jeffers:

“Positive thinking in its most constructive form does not deny the pain and suffering that exist in the world. …What positive thinking does is offer a power boost to help you handle whatever life gives you.”

Regardless of the situation or “bad break”, our strength and positive thinking puts us in a “position of power…the kind of power that really can make things happen.”

For this month, and beyond, let’s adopt and put into practice her positive affirmation:

I am a strong and worthy person

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady

Be sure to download/color the May 2012 Mandala of the Month.

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2012: Section 4

Posted on April 2, 2012 by

2012 MotY: Section 4

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For those of you following along with this year’s book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD, here’s a bit of Chapter 4 (‘whether you want it or not…it’s yours’).

In this chapter, Dr. Jeffers gives us a powerful mantra: take responsibility for your life. Most of the time we think we do this when in fact we usually take on the victim role by playing the blame game and/or finding ourselves stuck in one or more aspects of our lives. When we do this we give our power away which means we let other people and circumstances take responsibility for our lives instead of us taking charge.

We see this play out when, for example, something we planned for fails to play out the way we want it to. We play victim, complaining and bemoaning our fate, with the “poor me” mantra. Taking responsibility, on the other hand, means assessing the situation, determining our options, and then taking some action.

We often stay in the victim mode because we fail to recognize the payoffs for staying stuck as victims. Recently I realized that by being stuck in the “being broke” (victim) mode gave me an excellent excuse for passing on trying out for higher-end art shows. It takes money to apply for most art shows and even more to pay for booth fees. Without money how can I apply? The payoff for passing on these? I receive fewer rejection letters. The downside? I stay stuck where I am, wondering why I’m a “starving artist”.

Dr. Jeffers offers this exercise to help us work through payoffs that keep us stuck.

“List all the payoffs you get from staying stuck in some aspect of your life. What don’t you have to face? What don’t you have to do? What comfort do you get? …When you are aware of what you are doing, you will automatically discard a lot of your robotlike behaviors. You will lead yourself instead of being led.

My mantra for this month (and beyond): I take responsibility for my life. Let’s use this month to explore our stuck-ness and our payoffs on our journey through the mandala of the year.

Coloring Tip #4

Many people become frustrated with figuring out what colors to use which often stops them from coloring because they fear ruining what they want to color.

  1. Take the time to quickly learn about color theory. The “Color Matters” web site offers an easy-to-read page on basic color theory. Once you understand primary, secondary and complementary colors, determining what colors to use becomes much easier.
  2. Practice…practice…practice. Before you commit to coloring/painting, practice on another piece of paper or scrap canvas. With regards to the Mandala of the Year. Print out multiple copies and test out colors in advance. When I color, I usually keep scrap paper by my side to test out colors in advance. Once I find the color combination I like, then I proceed with coloring on the “official” piece.
  3. Unless you’re working on a one-of-a-kind piece or materials, what’s the worse that can happen? What if you did “ruin” it? For me? Depending on the materials I’m using, I’ll usually paint over what I did. Worse case scenario? I toss it out or use the canvas/paper as scrap for another project. And then I start again. For those rare one-of-kind situations? I always practice first and then move forward, remembering to breathe as I do.

Now…go color!

Be sure to download/color the April 2012 Mandala of the Month.

Happy Coloring!

joyfully,

Maureen, The Mandala Lady

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